Tom Collivander and the Order of the Thunderbird, A Potter Parody Read online

  Chapter 2 – The Hogwash Express

  As August came to a close, Tom was actually looking forward to going to Hogwash. He couldn’t wait to get away from his uncle, not that he didn’t like his uncle. Just that he wanted some space and some new scenery. The shop was getting rather dull to him. He was also looking forward to meeting Dumby. He’d heard wonderful things about the Hogwash headmaster and wanted to experience for himself what Dumby was like.

  Before he knew it, September 1st had come and Tom was heading to King’s cross station to catch the train to Hogwash. He thought it was a very odd way to get to school. To get to Durmprang, he’d taken a ship as it is completely surrounded by water to give it some extra protection.

  To get onto platform 10 2/7th, you had to walk through a wall when muggles weren’t looking. As if that’s possible. A huge que of people standing in front of a wall a few times a year and then running at it, someone was bound to notice that. But apparently not.

  Once through the wall, he was surprised to see the amount of students there were. Durmprang had no way near as many students. But then again, it’s up in the Arctic Circle. Who’d choose to go somewhere that cold for school?

  Thinking that he might be able to sneak into the school without too much notice due to the number of students, he boarded the train and found an empty compartment, put his earphones in and started to listen to some Pink Floyd to relax.

  Two years ago, Tom had very cleverly devised a spell that could make electronic devices work around wizards, something that up until his discovery, had not been achieved as far as he knew. Not two minutes had passed when the compartment door slid open and two girls walked in. They glanced over at Tom, sat down and immediately started whispering and giggling to each other. Tom was just getting to the sax solo on ‘Money’ but didn’t want to be rude so he took his earphones out and introduced himself.

  “Hi, I’m Tom. I’m new here. It’s nice to meet you.”

  “Oh,” said one of the girls. “Hi Tom. I’m Clara, and this is Isabelle. How come you’re only joining Hogwash now? We could do with more people like you around.”

  Tom was taken aback by this complement, nevertheless, he continued as if he hadn’t heard it. “I used to go to Durmprang but left after Walkeroff’s disappearance.”

  At the word Durmprang, the girls had stared at each other and giggled again. Then they turned back to Tom and Clara spoke up. “If you went to Durmprang, how come we didn’t see you last year for the quad-wizard tournament as it’s now called? Someone like you, you must have been a real contender for champion.”

  Smiling, Tom replied, “I’m way too young to have been champion. I’m only 15. 16 tomorrow.”

  “Ooh,” the girls said in unison.

  “That means you’re in the same year as us. We’re Hufflesnuffs,” finished Isabelle rather excitedly. “Do you know what house you’ll be in?”

  Tom had become very confused at this last remark. “Sorry, I’ve no idea what Hufflesnuff is.”

  “It’s one of the four houses,” said Isabelle very quickly. “Every student belongs to a house at Hogwash. There are four in total. Hufflesnuff, Ravensnore, Gryffinchair and Slytherdin.”

  Tom, still a bit confused, replied, “Cool. Well I don’t know which one I’m in, I guess they’ll tell me when I get there.”

  Isabelle, who had taken the conversation away from the other two girls, continued, “It doesn’t work like that. You have to be sorted based on your strengths and personality.” More to herself than anyone, Clara said whilst chuckling, “He’ll have to put on the sorting shoes with the first years.”

  However, she had said this rather loudly and Tom replied, “What are these sorting shoes?”

  Isabelle, who gave Clara a scornful look, said, “It’s these pair of shoes that feel all the nerves in your body and feels which house you truly belong to. But it’s only for first years as that’s when you’re sorted.”

  Tom, feeling nervous, said, “Surely they wouldn’t make me do anything with the first years. That would be so embarrassing.”

  “Don’t worry, they probably won’t. And even if they do, everyone will really want you in their house so there’s nothing to worry about.”

  “Why is that?”

  Giggling slightly, Isabelle replied, “Because you’re so nice and hansom.” Tom hadn’t been expecting this. Yes, he worked out and looked after his appearance but to be openly complimented be the first girl he’d met put him in a very good mood indeed.

  “Thank you. Well I hope I’m in Hufflesnuff if they’re all as awesome as you three.”

  The rest of the journey was spent discussing what Hogwash was like. Tom was very interested to learn how things were done at Hogwash so he could fit in whereas Clara and Isabelle wanted to know how it compared to Durmprang. Soon, the train was rolling into Hogswine station and Tom was taken aback by how old fashioned it was. Candle lit street lamps and row of little cottages surrounded by pine trees. There were no shops or anything. Where’s the burger king!? He could really do with a burger right now. He checked his phone before realising there wouldn’t be any signal and so made a mental note to amend that as soon as possible. He hastily, put his phone back in his pocket and followed the girls off the train.

  Once on the platform, Tom made to follow the girls to the carriages that lead to Hogwash but a very large man, so large in fact that Tom thought he could be a Dutch powerlifter, was calling over to him.

  “Tom Collivander, over hear. You’re to come with the rest of the first years.” Immediately, the girls started to giggle again.

  “It looks as if you have to go with the first years after all. Try not to fall in,” smirked Clara.

  Reluctantly, Tom went over to the man and he grunted, “Alright Tom? I’m Hogrod. First years always go to Hogwash across the lake. I know you’re not exactly a first year but it’s traditional, you know.” Tom’s mind was already racing ahead and he was thinking about what everyone in the school was going to think when he turned up with a bunch of kids half his height. He merely acknowledged Hogrod and got into a boat by himself. At least the weather is good. Just be glad it’s not raining or windy, he told himself.

  Once in the boats, they started to move of their own accord and Hogrod started talking and pointing things out. Unfortunately he was at the front and facing ahead so it was very hard to hear any of what he said. By the time they reached the castle, darkness had really fallen and the whole castle was lit up superbly, adding to the overall impressiveness of the place. I’ve been missing out. Hogwash seems much better than Durmprang. Why didn’t I come here in the first place?