Tom Collivander and the Order of the Thunderbird, A Potter Parody Read online

Page 4


  Chapter 3- Dumbridge

  They were in a large entrance hall just behind gigantic golden doors that lead to the great hall. Having left Hogrod and the boats behind, they were know waiting without knowing what was about to happen. Tom had just started to get irritated without the amount of stares he was getting from the first years when someone came up to them from a side door. She had a very straight posture and a long thin face. She looked like the sort of person that would be very difficult to cross.

  “Good evening. Welcome to Hogwash. My name is Professor McMogal and I wish you all good luck for the forthcoming year. In a moment, we will enter the great hall and you will be sorted into your houses. These are Gryffinchair, Ravensnore, Hufflesnuff and Slytherdin represented by red, blue, yellow and green respectively. Mr Collivander, a word please.” She beckoned over to him.

  As Tom approached, he wondered how he could have already got into trouble. “Mr Collivander, I have a letter for you from Professor Dumby and he requests that you read it now, before we go into the great hall.”

  Tom, who was completely taken aback, simply replied, “Thank you Professor” and took the letter. As he went to open it, he hoped that it would tell him that he didn’t have to be sorted in front of the whole school with the first years. He couldn’t work out why else the headmaster would want to tell him something. But as he read the letter, he became both disappointed and surprised.

  The letter was written in very loopy writing, the type that exists on Microsoft word but no one ever uses it because it’s so hard to read. Hence it took Tom a few minutes to work out what it said. ‘Tom, I would very much appreciate it if you were to stay behind after the feast tonight so I could have a private word with you. I imagine you were hoping to be told what house you are going to be in so that you could avoid being sorted. Unfortunately, only the sorting shoes have the power to know that. I’m sure you understand. Also, please don’t tell anyone that you are meeting with me. If your new housemates ask what you are up to, tell them that you want to explore Hogwash a bit first and that you’ll join them soon. Yours sincerely, Albus Dumby.’

  The next thing he knew, the doors were opening and everyone else was walking into the hall. He quickly stuffed the letter in his pocket and followed them. As he entered the hall, he noticed all the kids at the four long benches in the hall were looking and pointing at him. The first years all around him were being completely ignored by the other students. But then again, the first years were also ignoring them. They were transfixed with the appearance of the hall. A very high ceiling that represented the sky outside so you could feel the effects of outside whilst still being inside. What a stupid idea. If I wanted to experience the weather, I’d go outside! There were also hundreds of candles floating in the air that just screamed safety hazard. They illuminated four long tables and one more at the front of the hall, filled with students and staff respectively. There were also many suits of armour and ghosts. Tom was used to this sort of presentation and grandeur. In fact Durmprang’s halls where much larger and dramatic. Hogwash was a bit disappointing in comparison. Except for the ceiling, even he had to admit that was pretty cool. Literally.

  As they walked up the middle to the front, where there was an old, tattered looking pair of flip-flops placed on a rug, a few of the kids were whispering far too loudly and so Tom was able to hear some of what they said. Things like, “Have you seen the size of him. He must have binged on engorgement charms when he was younger.” Tom just laughed to himself. McMogal, who had been leading them, reached the front and stopped.

  Many of the students had started to whisper but were silenced by Professor McMogal. “Your name will be called reverse alphabetically. When called, come up, put the flip-flops on and wait for their decision. Then go and join your house table,” she said all this to the first years, but then addressed the whole hall and pointed at Tom. “Thomas Collivander here, as many of you will have realised, isn’t a first year. He is joining Hogwash this year from Durmprang and will be joining 5th year. Hence he will be sorted first.” At the word Durmprang, the hall started to whisper just like Clara and Isabelle had done.

  Tom, who had found his confidence from being contacted personally by Dumby, was unfazed by this and went up to the rug and put the shoes on. He wasn’t expecting what happened next. Tom started to break dance, excellently. Even though he’d never done break dancing in his life. Head spins and back flips were just two of the extravagant moves he performed. He finished with the worm and the shoes soles split open and croaked to the hall, “Ravensnore!”

  At once the table to the far left exploded with cheers. Tom took off the flip-flops and went to join them but as he did so, he notice Isabelle, along with Clara, looking thoroughly disappointed.

  As soon as he reached the table and sat down, Anthony Boldstein introduced himself as the Ravensnore prefect but nothing more as the rest of the sorting was yet to take place. The rest of the sorting happened without much drama. The dancing ranged from some ballet to a rather pathetic moon walk but no one was any way near as impressive as Tom had been. Some kids joined the Ravensnore table and Tom clapped along with everyone else but he knew he would never remember their names and would probably never talk to them.

  After the sorting came the feast. An extraordinary amount of food appeared in front of them. Everything from full roast turkeys to sandwiches. Finally, Tom felt much more comfortable as he helped himself to as much as he could fit on his plate.

  As he started to eat, Anthony re-addressed him, “So Tom, tell us a bit about yourself. Are you related to the wand maker?” It was then that Tom realised that everyone around him was eying him eagerly.

  “Well,’ he said happily, “Yes, he’s my uncle but I don’t know much about wands myself. He’s never taught me. I went to Durmprang last year like McMogal said. What about you?”

  Anthony replied, “I’ve been at Hogwash for four years so I’m in the same year as you. Come to think of it, I think you might be the first transfer student we’ve ever had.” The rest of what Anthony said, Tom didn’t hear. He had just spotted a very attractive girl with long dark hair further along the row from them.

  “Who’s that girl?” he asked.

  “What, Cho. I’d stay out of it if I were you mate. She’s a complete mess. She was Cedric Biggory’s girlfriend last year. You heard about him right?”

  Tom remembered. “Oh yeah, that was awful. Now that Moldywart is back though, I guess it’s gonna happen more often now.” Anthony chocked on the piece of chicken in his mouth.

  “Don’t say stuff like that man.”

  “Sorry, but I heard someone say Ravensnore’s are the smartest students. Surely, you’ve realised this is happening.”

  “Well yeah, I have. But no one wants to believe it. No one says it out loud. Except Harry Plotter but he’s in Gryffinchair so we don’t see him much.”

  Tom tried to apologise. “Ok, sorry. I’ll try not to say it again. Thanks for the heads up about Cho as well. I’ll stay away. I’m sure there are other good looking girls available.”

  The rest of the feast passed way too quickly for Tom’s liking. He could always eat when the food was this good. But soon, the food had vanished and everyone was looking up at the staff table. Dumby had got up. He was quite tall, with a ludicrously long, silver beard and he wore a pointed wizard’s hat.

  “Welcome everyone, Hogwash has greatly missed you. I hope you have all had relaxing summers and you haven’t caused too much trouble.” He definitely looked over at the Gryffinchair table to roughly where Harry Plotter was sitting as he said this. “A new year is upon us and I hope you all have enough room in your head for some more learning. Firstly however, I must inform first years that the deadly forest is out of bounds because we keep stuff in there that can rip you apart. The clue is the name, you’d think people could work it out for themselves.” Tom laughed but he was nudged by Anthony so stopped. “Secondly, Mr Wilch has asked me to remind all students that a number of magical objec
ts are banned in the corridors which now includes knee-cap bighting baseballs. A full list of objects can be found in Mr Wilch’s office. Thirdly, I am delighted to welcome Professor Dumbridge to the staff line up this year.” There was mild applause. “She will be taking over from Professor Rudy as our new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher. Fourthly, I would like to bring all your attention to,” he broke off. Professor Dumbridge had stood up. She walked around the table and Dumby politely moved out of the way so she could have centre stage.

  “Good evening Hogwash students! I’m a former employee of the Ministry of magic and require just a few moments of your time tonight. I would like to inform all of you that you are about to have a bad year.” This got everyone’s attention. “Unless of course, you follow my instructions and help me out.” At this, almost everyone turned back to their friends. “The Ministry understands how important the magical learning for young people is. However, we have issues with some of the practises carried out here.”

  Only a few people seemed to still be listening. A few Ravensnores including Tom, a couple of Slytherdins, Hermione Danger and Dumby, that was it. The speech rolled on for a good fifteen minutes all about how the Ministry of magic wants to control everything done at Hogwash and how Dumby is too old to teach. By the end, Dumbridge seemed, if anything, rather happy that almost no one had listened to her. She went to sit back down again and it was only when Dumby started talking again that people realised she had finished.

  “Now that Professor Dumbridge has FINALLY finished her speech, I will wrap up mine. I speak to everyone when I say, Eeyore, chocolate spread, Gimli, knitting. Now off to bed, the lot of ya.”

  With that, everyone started to leave the hall as quickly as possible, with no one seeming puzzled by what Dumby had just said. Tom was very confused by this but he was also happy that no one badgered him about why he wasn’t leaving the hall. It seemed at this moment in time, people were more interested in their beds than anything else. Soon it was just Tom and Dumby left. They met in the middle of the room.

  “Tom. It is very nice to meet you.”

  “And you.”

  “Are you enjoying Hogwash so far?” Dumby asked politely.

  “It seems nice enough but I can’t properly evaluate it until I’ve found out some secrets it has.”

  “Just as I expected. I heard you were of a keener mind than the usual idiots that come to this school.” Tom then interrupted Dumby’s chain of thought.

  “You didn’t hire Dumbridge did you, headmaster?”

  “No I didn’t Tom. But I couldn’t find anyone to take the job so the Ministry forced her on us.” There was a moment’s pause and then Dumby continued. “Let us walk.”

  They walked for a minute or so, in silence. Tom was too busy admiring Hogwash to speak. Dumby started the conversation back up once they reached a corridor with moving paintings.

  “I’m sure you’re wondering why I wanted to meet with you Tom. Well, I wanted to ask you if you know anything about the disappearance of Walkeroff.”

  “No sir, I haven’t heard anything.”

  “Ok. Fair enough. I was hoping for more but alas.” Although his face didn’t look like he was expecting any more from Tom. “Ah, hear we are,” he said as they reached their destination. They were standing in front of a giant eagle with a circular staircase poking out of the floor. “Tom, this is the entrance to my office. Few students get to come in here so you get to experience one of Hogwash’s hidden gems already. But first, I need to ask you a question. Do you believe in the return of Lord Moldywart?”

  Tom didn’t hesitate one bit. “Yes of course. My uncle always speaks very highly of you and hence as soon as you announced to the world of his return, I believed. The papers are clearly blinded. The daily preacher seems to want to convince everyone he’s not back but I can’t understand why.”

  Dumby hadn’t expected an answer as strong and excellent as this one and looked at Tom in a new light. “That’s wonderful to hear Tom. I thought you would believe but I had to check. Now you may enter my office.”

  All of sudden, Tom’s hearing became fuzzy. Almost as if his ears had been filled with an un-tuned radio signal. Next second, they were back to normal and the staircase had started to move.

  “After you Tom.”

  The moving staircase took them up three stories and they arrived at a bronze door with a lion’s head knocker. “Why is the statue an eagle and the knocker a lion?” Tom asked. “Very astute Tom. It is because they are two of the four creatures that represent the houses of Hogwash.”

  “What are the others?”

  “I will show you.”

  Dumby opened the door to a large, open room on three levels. Filled with such a random collection of tools and instruments. The walls were lined with portraits of witches and wizards all staring down at them, the tables were filled with objects that seemed to have no purpose and the ceiling was covered in rags. Dumby sat down behind the desk and Tom sat in the chair opposite.

  Dumby spoke again, “This,” pulling out something from his draw, “is a serpent cigarette lighter and up there,” he indicated to the next level, “is a badger telescope.”

  Tom found this odd. “Why are Ravensnore and Gryffinchair part of the school and yet Hufflesnuff and Slytherdin are just objects?”

  “To tell you the truth, Slytherdin and Hufflepuff aren’t liked very much so we didn’t bother engraving them into the school... Now, I have a few more things I want to say. I want to say I was sad to hear of your parents deaths and I want you to know that you have my sympathies.”

  Tom merely nodded, he still wasn’t comfortable talking about it. Dumby seemed to realise this as he carried on without question. “Also, I want to ask you for a favour. You can of course, say no. But if you are willing, I would like you to meet Professor Snipe after your first potions class and assist him with a project he is currently working on. He will explain what when you meet him. All I can say is it will require you to help him for an hour each day this week. Will you carry out this mystery favour?”

  Tom took some time to think about this. He had no idea who Professor Snipe was but didn’t really want to do it. He was planning to spend the first week familiarising himself with Hogwash and making friends with as many people as possible. However, he didn’t want to let Dumby down. He thought Dumby could be the most important friend he might make hence Tom decided that this mystery venture would be worth wile.

  “Yes, I’ll do it Professor.”

  “Excellent. Well, that concludes our meeting tonight. I will contact you again in due time. Until then, enjoy your first few weeks at Hogwash and stay out of trouble.”

  He grinned and showed Tom to the door. “Oh, Tom. You’ll need to know how to get to your bed, I almost forgot. You’re in Ravensnore, so your house is at the top of Ravensnore tower on the west side of the castle. The quickest way to get there from here is to simply go left out of here to the main staircase. Go all the way to the top and then take a right, followed by a sharp left. Go down that corridor till you come to a fork. Go left again and down two flights of stairs. Next, go straight ahead until you reach a very talkative suit of armour, who will try and direct you the wrong way so do the opposite of whatever he says and you’ll make it to the door, which has a raven on it.”

  Tom wasn’t sure if Dumby was playing a joke on him or not. Nevertheless he followed the directions and about ten minutes later, the suit of armour came into view. Realising that the instructions were correct and therefore weren’t a joke he thought sarcastically, they like to make it easy don’t they.

  As he came to the suit of armour, he was expecting another stupidly complicated set of instructions which he had to do the opposite of.

  “Stop! You can’t go down here, there’s a vicious four headed mouse that’s hungry.”

  “Fat chance,” Tom replied and continued on course. He was happy to see no four headed mouse as he rounded the corner but a door with an eagle on. He’d made it.

&n
bsp; But it only dawned on him then that he’d need a password to get in and no one had given him it. It must have been about 1 o’clock in the morning. No one else had been in the corridors, what was he going to do. But then he realised that the door had a knocker on it. Once Tom knocked, a clear voice echoed around the hallway, “Who’s the greatest wizard to ever live?”

  Tom answered, “How do you define greatness?”

  The eagle reasoned his answer and the said, “Fair point,” and the door swung open to a very large, circular room with very comfortable chairs, bookshelves and a domed ceiling. The carpets were midnight blue and the whole place had an airy feeling. Only two students still remained in the common room.

  Two guys, who looked like seventh years, were animatedly discussing their various adventures during the summer. Tom, not wanting to intrude, walked straight towards the door marked as bedrooms but before he reached it, one of the guys called over.

  “Hey, you’re that new guy in 5th year aren’t you? Tom Collivander?”

  “Yeah, that’s me. Who are you two?”

  “I’m Mark and this is Ryan. How come you’ve only just got into the common room now?”

  Tom had to quickly think of an answer. “I just wanted to explore the castle for a bit to get familiar with the place but I got lost.”

  They didn’t seem to question this at all. Ryan simply said, “Those staircases can be really annoying sometimes” and went back to describing the mountain biking holiday he went on in the summer to Mark.

  With that, Tom walked over to the door to the dormitories and called back, “Night”, to which Mark and Ryan grunted a response and Tom left the room. He found a corridor with doors on both sides labelled with year groups. Girls on the right, boys on the left. Finally, some sensible layout! He went through the 5th year boy’s door to find a smaller, circular corridor that had 5 doors with names on. He found the one with Tom Collivander on and entered to find a large bedroom, with king size bed, desk, chairs, sofa, wardrobe, bookshelf and an en-suite. Tom’s luggage was in a corner but he was too tired to unpack now. He got into bed and immediately was surrounded in comfort. He fell asleep within seconds.